Every time I sit down and open up blogger to jot some idea down, I get sidetracked over having never really gotten this blog off the ground. I started it back in March of 2010. Even then there are two unpublished drafts and the first post is over a month after I presumable sat down to start writing about something. I actually started this paragraph five days ago. It just never feels fucking finished to me.
Five days ago I quit smoking again. Not too hard, I have quit many times before. That's part of the reason I moved to the east side of Costa Mesa into a one bedroom apartment with my dogs two months ago. I wanted to focus on music, creative thinking and living, working and saving money. Generally, sorting everything out that needs sorting.
Instead I ended up working six days a week and eating fast food for almost every meal. I've been smoking again for almost a year, and I was back up to a pack a day. Landing me with not a lot of energy and feeling lousy. Coupled with my stifled need to create I had begun to feel worn out. I fell into an endless feed back loop of setting up and never starting, starting and never finishing. Unwashed dishes, still not all the way unpacked and moved in.
These visions I have that compel me to create, to bring them from vision to reality, often require so much work and training that I get discourage or overwhelmed. And I never share it because its never quite right.
My friend Jesse wrote something on his blog about waiting for a taxi in front of Mulberry St. with all his DJ equipment and boxes of records.
So I wait, and two young women stumble up. One of them suddenly drops her pants and commences urinating right on the door of Mulberry. I'm too shocked to respond. All I can muster is, "Whoa!" before Jon the bartender flings the door open and yells, "What the hell?!" The girl pulls her pants up and mumbles something angrily at Jon, as if this situation is his fault somehow. The women leave and Jon returns with a bucket of water to pour on the urine that is now running toward the curb.
"This is not my job," he says, "Things keep getting weirder and weirder."Things are getting weirder
And that reminds me that if I want to ever start a family and still be able to be creative, or run my own business and still be able to have a family and be creative. I am going to have to be much more prepared than I am now.
Being on Jesse's blog always makes me want to sit down and open up blogger to jot some idea down, but then I get sidetracked over having never really gotten this blog off the ground.
False starts aren't so bad if you just use whats stopped you before as a weapon.
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